A year ago I had top surgery.
Honestly, I don’t know what I thought my life would be like a whole year later. I’m a published author. I’m about to graduate from college. I have a great group of friends and I really don’t have anything to feel bad about.
My depression is still kicking, but that’s never going away.
My anxieties are still there, but I’m learning how to cope with them.
I don’t really have the energy to write something long and well-thought out, but I guess what I want to say is that it was more than worth it. Top surgery was a terrifying concept — something I’ve wanted for so long and never thought as attainable until it was only a few days away. Even then, I was convinced something would happen and it would stop me from surgery.
But that didn’t happen. I got what I needed — because yes, I did need it — and now I’m in a much better place.
Top surgery was lifesaving for me.
The news is full of things that Trump is doing — the fight over DACA continues, Net Neutrality is still under fire, Puerto Rico is about to lose necessary aid, and healthcare providers might be able to reject transgender and other queer patients because of their “religious freedom.”
That terrifies me. I know that my life — and the lives of many of my friends — would be much different if it weren’t for the hormones and surgery I was able to access. States like California will be the least affected. In Arizona, where it’s already difficult to get hormones and surgery because of the medical and financial barriers, it might suddenly be impossible or near impossible.
I have friends in Arizona. I have people I love and cherish in red, religious states. I know I said this wasn’t going to be long and it won’t be, not for me at least, but I do feel for every person who lives scared of what’s coming out of this administration’s rule.
I’m trying to survive and I’m trying to get through it and I’m trying to help. I’m trying. I guess that’s the best I can do.